The Flawed Guardian
by Bellethiel Lindariel
Summary: A character study of Petunia Dursley.  Ever since she had laid eyes on the precious small bundle that she was told by her parents was her little sister, she knew that she was the small girl's guardian, the protector.


**Author's Note:** I had always thought about why Petunia was so mean, that there was more to it, so i did a little character study. It surprised me because I really dislike her and here I am, trying to understand her more.

**_OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER:_** I have in no way, shape or form contributed to the Harry Potter world's creation, be it in movie or book format. It belongs to J.K. Rowling, no profit is being made by the author for this flight of fancy.

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Petunia Evans was the older sister. The sensible sister. The one who protected her younger sister from the bad things of the world. She knew all these things and was proud of it because she loved her Lily very much. If the bullies at school tried to make fun of Lily for her gorgeous red hair it was Petunia who put them back in their place with sharp words and threats of telling the whole school about Rodney Jameson's bed wetting problem. It was Petunia who did her best to make sure that when they got in trouble and were spanked that Lily was alright. It was Petunia who dried her tears and made her smile. Petunia who brushed her glorious hair and played dress ups. There was not a moment that Petunia resented Lily for being her younger sister, after all, it was because of Lily that Petunia had her purpose. Ever since she had laid eyes on the precious small bundle that she was told by her parents was her little sister, she knew that she was the small girl's guardian, the protector.

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Then they had met the dangerous, awful boy in the park with his talk of magic and wizards. Though she didn't say it at the time she was afraid of magic and the way that strange boy spoke of it. Before that Snape boy came along, Lily was just special, magic was good because Lily had it. Then Petunia's eyes were opened by the boy, being shown that magic wasn't just good, that horrible people could have it too. Petunia tried harder to protect her precious Lily, afraid that magic was going to take her little sister away.

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The letter came for Lily, but not for her. At first Petunia assumed there was a mix up, there was no way that Lily was going anywhere without her, so she patiently wrote to the Headmaster of the Wizard School and asked politely where her letter was. The response from the man told her that she could not go because she didn't have magic. A part of her was glad, magic was scary and different and put people in danger. Most of her heart broke. How could she protect Lily if she couldn't go? Who would save her from the bullies? Who would dry her eyes? They were going to take her precious sister away from her. She was right, the magic was going to take Lily away.

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It had happened before Lily had left to start her life as a witch, just before she went on a journey that Petunia couldn't go on. They had fought. It wasn't like the times before when they were just doing sister stuff, taking the other's dessert, playing with the other's doll. It was real fighting. It wasn't the last time they fought either. They said things that hurt the other and though Lily may not have known it, Petunia cried every time they did. It hurt physically every time Lily came home and grew up that little more without Petunia being there. It hurt knowing that Lily wasn't going to need her at this school, it hurt the most knowing that with magic, Lily would probably be more able to protect her older sister.

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Lily was getting married. As she walked down the aisle, love filling her eyes and looking to the altar where the Potter boy stood, Petunia was proud. She clung to the hand of Vernon, her sensible husband who needed her and watched her sister finally take the steps out of Petunia's life almost completely. At the reception she had cornered Lily in a quiet alcove.

"Lily." She said softly, reaching her hand out.

"Petunia." Her younger sister looked guarded and silence stretched between them. Petunia struggled with her pride. As she looked in green eyes though, her love won.

"Oh Lily, I'm so proud of you." Her voice was soft and her throat constricting on her emotions, but the floodgates had been opened. "You look so beautiful ad you've grown up so well, I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you, I wish I had been. I'm sorry that I've been so nasty, but I still love you and I always will. You've grown so wonderfully and I just wanted you to know, I'm proud of you." There were tears in the two sister's eyes as Lily took her elder sister in an aggressive hug, clinging tightly.

"Thankyou Tuney. I wish you had been there too, I'm sorry you couldn't come with me."

They held their hug for a long time and the photographer snapped a quick picture of the emotional moment. The girls separated unaware and looked at each other.

"I love you too Tuney."

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She hated magic! She stood in her immaculate kitchen and vibrated with emotions she wasn't sure she could control. Lily was gone and her son was delivered to her care with only a note. A note! Lily was gone and they had only thought to give her a note. She was dimly aware of Vernon saying something about taking the baby to an orphanage.

"No, he stays with us." The tone in her voice was final. "He is Lily's boy." _And I will protect him like I couldn't Lily. I will make sure that magic won't kill him._

She turned and sobbed into Vernon's shoulder and cried, her beautiful sister was gone. The magic took her away and there was nothing Petunia could do about it.

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Harry had started doing the same funny stuff Lily did. Afraid, she lashed out and called him freak. She was scared, she didn't want him to go out from her protection, to that horrid School. To be taken by magic. So Petunia thought about Lily and how she would stop the magic growing inside the boy. Lily was loved and cherished, well cared for and looked after, so she would do the opposite for the boy. If she didn't feed the boy's spirit so much, he would be safe. Her precious nephew could never know how much she loved him.

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He had left her, gone to that School. Just like Lily. Now she couldn't protect the boy from magic. Still, when he returned from his first year, she tried to squash it out of him. Year after year he went back, it was hopeless. Magic was going to kill the quiet unassuming, beautiful boy that was her nephew. She reconciled with it. She tried to love him the way she did her Dudley but found cruelty coming out of her mouth, she just couldn't say the right words to the boy. In a strange way every insult, every degradation became a sign of her affection to him, she just couldn't find a way to change her behavior. So she continued to call him a freak, continued to push him down whilst all she wanted to say was that she loved him.

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The house was quiet. Her steps filled the silence of the empty house. Petunia walked up the stairs and into her room to the special cupboard that she kept locked at all times. She removed the key from its hiding place and unlocked a draw. She removed a large album and went over the pictures. As she turned the pages she watched once more as she and Lily grew up, some pictures moved, others stayed static. She lingered on the pages of Lily's wedding, touching the picture of them hugging each other tightly, beaming at each other and crying. She turned the pages to watch Lily through her pregnancy and then with the baby. She turned the pages again and the moving pictures stopped. The pictures now showed a young boy with messy hair, green eyes and a remarkable scar growing up. Pictures stolen whilst the boy was unknowing. She touched them gently wishing that they would move just a little for her, the magic of the moment eternally played out like the others. Just like Lily, when Harry had magic it was good. She touched the photo scar, but there was so many that tried to hurt him. She closed the book and returned it to the drawer, locking the book she had made sure would come with them after their escape from Privet Drive. Magic would destroy him. He was off to fight the bad Wizard and because she wasn't there the boy was going to die. She sat in the bedroom of the house that wasn't her home and sobbed.


End file.
